About

Hi, I'm Jake, a sporadic writer, professional furniture maker, kitchen-gardener, ambitious home cook, desperate fighter-of-flab, and wannabe cooked barbarian.

I run this website from an ancient HP computer repurposed as a server in our mud-room. Here you'll find my thoughts as they ramble and I amble through my attempt to live a heavy life.

What you will find here

The Recipes

Standardized, modernist-format guides for high-protein, low-sugar sustenance. I use a mix of industrial tools and food science to solve for cravings—like turning zucchini into a high-protein, sugar-free chocolate pudding that actually tastes good. It is a log of Jerky, Biltong, and Spiced Chicken Stews, balanced by traditional "I don't care today" splurges of outright gluttony and decadence.

The Gear

Field notes on industrial-grade tools—from the Magimix 4200xl and Benchfoods Dehydrator to woodworking hand tools and power tools. Garden tools. Tools tools. I love tools.

The Garden

Observations on soil, beets, and kitchen-gardening as a protest against the Machine. This is the primary source of inputs for the kitchen and a hedge against the ephemeral.

The Workshop

Shop notes on functional and artistic furniture built for commission customers. We go in-depth on the technical trade-offs: jigs versus freehand, and the pursuit of objects that outlast their makers.

The Manifesto

A series of entries on the philosophy of the "Cooked Barbarian." It explores how to utilise the tools of the machine to sustain a life built on faith, analogue ritual, and the refusal to be weightless.

Principles

This site is a protest against the frictionless. Everything here is hosted on hardware I own, managed by code I control. There are no tracking pixels, no ads, and no "cloud" dependencies where they can be avoided.

The goal is Offline Authority: the ability to thrive, cook, build, and record knowledge regardless of whether the "Machine" is plugged in or not.